This week I took the curse spoken by Rooster Bryon at the
end of Jez Butterworth’s Jerusalem and used it with no less than 4 Youth
Theatre groups across this week. Theyw
rote their own curses in group, some fun, some sinister, all very
inventive. Here’s just some examples I
salvaged from the workshop floor for posterity:
We are now placing a curse on Christmas haters
Your nose will never stop running
You can only wear shorts in winter
And may Asda forever be sold out of root beer
Your life will be a never-ending assembly
Popadoms will never be there for you
And Curry stores won’t serve you.
Your blood will run as a cold as a frozen bagel
And this curse will never end
We curse you Michael
Gove
You have ruined our
future
You have increased stress
and failure
You have decreased
content and success
You have confused,
upset and bewildered our generation
We curse you and your
soul forever more
We pray you suffer and
therefore see our suffering
We curse you with the power
of algebra to never be able to find the value of X
We curse you with
compassion and manners (you have none)
We curse you with not
being able to use nouns and verbs correctly
and not be able to string a sentence
together
With all our power, we
curse you to have to tell the truth and not be able to use fake statistics
Not to be respected by
your peers
The greatest curse of
all: To do every exam that you have just
enforced upon us
Don’t underestimate our
power!
This curse lasts
forever!
We curse you Donald J Trump
May your hair forever look like a guinea pig
May you constsantly be wrestled by protesdtors
May the Whitehouse be replaced by a shed
May the 4 year term by shortened to 4 minutes
May you have mind-blanks’ in all your speeches
May you fall in love with a Mexican
May you be trapped in your wall for the rest of your life
May you discover that Hilary Clinton is your long-lost cousin
I curse thy phone to
smash
I curse thy to miss the
bus every time and watch it drive away
I curse thy wretched
body to always have acne
And they favourite series
will carry on going until it is rubbish and have no life anymore.
May thy never enter
TopShop or purchase an iPhone
May thee never be able
to fill in thy eyebrows
Your instagram will
have baby photos for all to see
All your friends on
Facebook will leave you
You shall get 2000
dislikes on YouTube
Nobody will reply to
your Tweets
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