Like me, I’m sure many people first came across Johnson through his notoriety on the panel show Have I Got News For You, where his bumbling out-of-touchness was seen as all part of the quaint, British class structure. Some speeches of Johnson show his more diplomatic, ministerial side but, more often than not he relies on performing his pomposity while arm-waving like each meaty hand is holding a Union Flag. So songs about Johnson play to his type. They indulge his bravado. Whilst Cameron’s songs are bitter and sharper, anti-Boris tunes often play on a daftness to outmatch or undercut Johnon’s own court-jester-turned-king brand. For example, Raised By Owls paint Johnson as a hideous Dark Lord bloodsucker on ‘Boris Johnson, Vampire Of London.’ ‘Never watch a documentary about Boris Johnson’ is a comedy song by Jay Foreman about Johnson invading his nightmares.
For the 2016 EU Referendum, The Iain Duncan Smiths released Borrissey, a parody album full of The Smiths and Morrissey songs reworked. For example, ‘Big Mouth Strikes Again’ became about when Johnson insulted members of a Sikh Temple by celebrating alcohol tariffs. ‘Half A Kenyan’ (based on The Smiths song ‘Half A Person’) is about Johnson suggesting Barack Obama’s heritage drove the President towards anti-British sentiment.
Commoners Choir’s song ‘Boris Johnson’ hums that his head, and hair, comes in handy as a mop, and opens with a quote from former Conservative MP Matthew Parris. Parris wrote an article against Johnson, warning: “Somebody has to call a halt to the gathering pretence that if only you’re sufficiently comical in politics you can laugh everything off … creeping ambition in a jester’s cap is not funny.”
Johnson was the subject of songs whilst he was the actual mayor of actual London. Steve White & The Protest Family’s song ‘Have I Got News For You’ is about the disbelief a million Londoners could vote for Johnson as mayor. They sang about Johnson’s attempts to take on Bob Crow and the Rail and Maritime Transport Union (RMT) on ‘Bad Day For Bojo’:
“Mayor Johnson is not a man Who cares much for promises Or for ticket offices Or passengers or staff He wants to axe a thousand jobs A thousand livelihoods he'll rob While ruffling his hair Oh my, he's such a laugh.”
The “ticket offices” line comes after Johnson’s 2008 mayoral election manifesto promised there would be manned ticket offices at every Underground station. By 2016, Johnson had closed all of London’s Underground ticket offices and cut 900 jobs. He wasted more than £940m on architectural projects that never saw a brick laid, including sweatbox buses, a novelty 'dangleway' and fantasy bridges. RainMen’s ‘Trash Song’ laments he can’t shrug off disgrace like John: “What I’d give to be Boris Johnson / To walk away from my mistakes.”
On 25th April 2019, Stormzy released ‘Vossi Bop,’ which became the rapper’s first number one single. It includes the line “I could never die / I’m Chuck Norris / Fuck the Government / Fuck Boris.” This was adopted by the internet with the hashtag #FuckBoris. Two months later, Theresa May announced her resignation and we all knew that the arch-Brexiteer fan-favourite Boris Johnson would inevitably finally become PM.
I asked a Conservative Party member why he was supporting Boris Johnson in the upcoming leadership contest. He believed that if May had remained as leader for any longer, she’d have been the last ever Conservative prime minister, seen as inefficient and despised by the electorate and her own party. He felt Johnson had the charisma and the drive to do what needed to be done. Clearly, his fellow members agreed and Johnson became Conservative leader, and by default Prime Minister, in July 2019.
Johnson’s long history as a journalist provided a seam of sexist, racist and homophobic articles from across his career. It became a widely-circulated example of Johnson’s bigotry, which was dismissed and excused by his supporters. Captain SKA collaborated with Rubi Dan and used this term for their song ‘Fuck Boris’: “Lying and dishonest / This racist idiotic / Things are getting toxic / That's why we hashtag - fuck Boris!” When challenged on the BBC’s Question Time, Johnson refused to apologise, and replied: “I defend my right to speak out.” Johnson claimed “I have written many millions of words in my life as a journalist and I have genuinely never intended to cause hurt or pain to anybody.”
Even if Johnson writing within the pages of the Spectator and the Telegraph genuinely thought his shock-journalism was toothless and without harm, his reluctance to acknowledge and apologise for his misjudgement still marks out his arrogance. Johnson represents some of the worst stink of privilege. Whilst politicians campaigned during the 2021 local elections to redistribute wealth and address the climate crisis, Johnson hopped around the country in a £45 million private jet that uses £1,600 of fossil fuel an hour. The jet was registered in the Isle of Man (a tax haven) in the name of JC Bamford Excavators Ltd, based in Staffordshire. The chairman of JCB is the multi-billionaire Tory peer and donor Lord Bamford.
Commie Faggots go through a list of Johnson’s racist lanuage on ‘Boris Johnson Is A Racist.’ The list also featured as samples on dance-rock band Cabinet of Millionaires’ ‘Stop The Coup,’ a song released in protest to Johnson’s illegal proroguing of Parliament. John D Revelator also references some of Johnson’s disgusting language on ‘Boris Johnson Blues’. The song uses a traditional acoustic blues style, and employs the trope that there’s a mystery around Johnson’s children: “even he don’t know how many kids he’s got.” For years, Wikipedia listed Johnson’s children as “at least six.”
Billy Bragg would created a fresh version of ‘Waiting For The Great Leap Forward’: “No one knows how many children Boris Johnson sired Or can remember how many times his lies have got him fired But I can tell you this mate, I know how this will end When he does to Britain what he’s done to his ex-girlfriend.”
Diss track ‘OK! TORY’ by damienfarron & NIKHEDONIA was released the day of the 2019 general election. It starts with a clip of Boris Johnson from 2012 at the opening of the London Olympic velodrome. In a frankly bizarre speech, Johnson waxes lyrical about the building having been apparently “lovingly rubbed with rhubarb.” Seriously, stop reading this and go watch the clip right now. Then rewatch and keep an eye on the two young people standing either side of Johnson, one awkwardly fiddling with a small flag, the other’s smirking bemused facial expressions, channelling how many people feel about ‘Bojo’.
