Once A Year

Once A Year – Henry Raby

Only the elderly moaned to themselves, as the elderly are wont to do

About the fact donkeys, now rare, were chained and locked away in zoos

And beaches were populated by reindeer, much more sturdy and trustworthy

Who gave rides to small children wearing goggles for health and safety purposes.

When the sun was shining, middle-class Dads would invite round neighbours

And proudly BBQ turkeys on their fancy 4 grill-setting charcoal-packed fires.

Snotty teens played music loudly on buses, but were never asked to listen quietly

For they played (through tinny phone speakers) Wizzard, Slade and Maria Carey.

When men were made redundant and unable to put crackers on the table

They’d take their frustration out on their wives without anyone to save them.

And those without trees, whether real or plastic, in their houses

Were inevitably hounded down by cold cults and hung noiselessly

And the wanted man known only to the public as ‘The Christmas Strangler’

Never had it so good.